by Hannah De Cleene | Apr 18, 2023 | Theology
January and February are, for the average Midwesterner, long, cold months. But this year, I experienced one of my most treasured adventures with the Lord during these months.
Six weeks in a new country with a family I barely knew might sound like a disaster waiting to happen, but that could not be further from the truth in this case.
I loved every minute of this trip.
A month and a half later I am still reminiscing about all the Lord taught me and in awe of how attentive He is to our prayers.
PRAY THE UNLIKELY PRAYERS
In January 2021, I got alone with the LORD to pray for the new year. I spent a solid 36 hours by myself. No phone, no people, just me, my journal, the Word, and some solace with my Father. I had just finished grad school, a major accomplishment. But I didn’t know what was next. What prayers should I even pray?
So I just started writing. I penned a few ideas that I thought, just maybe, God could use somehow. I asked the Lord to direct so that any hopes and dreams on the page would align with the story He wanted to write.
One of the sweetest gifts the Lord has given me is this: I’ve been able to see firsthand how He works in different countries and cultures. Missions will always be near and dear to my heart, as are missionaries. I asked the Lord if there would be a way He could use the heart for missions He gave me along with the gift of singleness. Maybe there would be a way I could go and encourage and live life with a few of them somehow, someway.
This wasn’t a prayer I prayed often, but from time to time, the idea would come to mind. A year and a half later, God opened a bigger door than I imagined. I got to spend time with missionaries, and my dad and I even got to do this trip together. How cool is that?
LIFE IS BETTER TOGETHER
Before I made my journey to Sol de la Molina (the name of the neighborhood), my normal everyday consisted of working in my home by myself. Yes, sometimes I worked at coffee shops, but for the most part, I worked diligently in my quiet, home office. I was a tad nervous as to how well I could work in a house full of people (and two giant dogs). Would I fall behind?
The opposite turned out to be true.
From quick chats while I made my coffee to family lunches to jogs after work, good conversations threaded the entire day. They weren’t distractions but connectors, a constant reminder that life was not all about me or my responsibilities.
Yes, God calls us to be faithful in the jobs He gives us, but without seeing it, I had made my job too central. A little bit of my identity started to get wrapped up in how well I could do in my work and what feedback I received from managers and clients – all thoughts that focused on myself.
However, in Lima, I became an adopted big sister, daughter, and dear friend. We did life together in a way that brought joy and encouragement that I still struggle to put into words. We helped each other, whether it was making a meal or trying to figure out how to write an essay on math, we jumped in to help. We served together, we laughed together, we prayed together, and we stayed up late watching movies together. Without even realizing it, work became less stressful and burdensome, even with the extra responsibilities I received at that time.
SAYING YES IS SCARY BUT WORTH IT
One of my prayers was that I would jump in wherever needed in my six weeks. The reality was, I didn’t have a clue what that would be like.
A few days into the trip, I was asked if I could do some teaching for the young adult women’s study. I said yes, then immediately this fearful thought: “I just said yes to something I’ve never done. What am I thinking!?”
Teaching is a joy, and I’ve been able to share in various capacities over the years, but never like this—completely in Spanish. How was this going to go?
I knew the Spirit wanted me to say yes, but that didn’t take the nerves away. I often thought of one of my favorite Elisabeth Elliot quotes, “Sometimes the fear does not subside and you must do it afraid.”
And that fear kept me coming back to the Lord. I didn’t know exactly how to say what I wanted, I didn’t remember how to conjugate all the verbs correctly, and the list went on. But God. God wanted me to trust Him and take the next step.
And can I tell you teaching was one of my highlights! I still got nervous every time, but I loved sharing the truth from the Word, and God gave me the grace for that day. Obedience often isn’t glamorous but in the eyes of the Lord, our obedience is always beautiful. It’s an outward demonstration that we trust Him and want to walk in His ways, even when we can’t see exactly what’s going on.
GOD DOESN’T NEED ME BUT WANTS TO USE ME
Did God need me to go to Peru? No. But He wanted me to. He wanted to use me.
Years ago I read John Piper’s poem on Job, and there is this line that replays often in my mind: “God is kind in ways that will not fit my mind.”
God is the creator of the world, the Sovereign One who holds time in His hand. And, He knows My name. He’s given me experiences that He alone orchestrated. And He wants to keep using me, just like He wants to use you.
God gave me a childhood in South America, an opportunity to learn Spanish at a young age, an enjoyment in living in different cultures, an excitement to travel, and a sweet season of singleness, just to name a few things. He did all of that. No one has pursued me like the Lord. No one knows my life and heart like the Lord, including my own sinful, selfish heart. And yet He still loves me because that is who He is.
I hope we never move on from being in awe of who He is and what He’s done. And I pray others may see His beauty and character as we walk in obedience in any opportunity He puts before us.
For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.
Ephesians 2:10
by Hannah De Cleene | Oct 8, 2022 | Theology
Words escape you. The leaders you trusted let you down. The reasons vary, as do the weight of those scenarios. You, like many in Christian circles, have experienced church hurt. But the question is, “now what?” Do you ignore the hurt and pretend like everything is ok? Do you tell everyone you know, so they will understand how you’ve been wronged? While our gut reactions may initially lean in one of those ways, those emotional responses still leave us with unresolved aches and wounds that time does not heal. In fact, they can grow worse or infected. How do we walk through church hurt? How can God use that in our lives?
The Blind Side
However complex or hurtful the scenario, one commonality is this: we didn’t see it coming. The pastors and leaders we confided in, trusted, and admired, committed an act we never anticipated. But sometimes in that mountain of emotion, we experience a shame that’s hard to put into words, especially at the onset. Why didn’t we see this coming? How did we miss the signs? Am I too trusting of people, of church leaders? Did all of this really happen or are things being blown out of proportion? We have questions. We may even be in denial of what has happened, trying to lessen the reality/pain of the situation.
Admit what’s been hurtful.
When church leaders step down or are asked to step down, everyone has questions; everyone is taken aback by the unexpected turn of events. Some situations are public with clear reasons, and others are vague and confusing. Maybe a church leader acted in a hurtful way, said sincerely unkind words, or held people to too high of a standard. Perhaps, as one of the singles in the church, you’ve been overlooked time and time again by the leaders who, from the stage, confess that every person in every season of life has a valuable place in the church. Or further still, maybe they grievously sinned against you and others in a way that requires confession and restoration if the church has any hope of continuing.
In short, their words didn’t match their actions. The question is, have you expressed to the Lord why the situation holds such weight or anger for you? For many of us, someone we trusted and confided in, someone we looked up to as an example, failed. We feel the pangs of sincere disappointment.
But how we respond to the hurt makes all the difference.
Grieve with the Lord
The Lord is near to all who call upon Him in truth (Ps.145:18). However messy or cynical we may feel, we must acknowledge those feelings to the Lord. In situations like this, that’s easier said than done. But healing can’t come if we don’t expose the wound to our Physician. What we need most are not explanations or even apologies from those who have wronged us (although the Lord deeply values reconciliation). Our Heavenly Father is the only one that can provide lasting healing.
But we often push against this because it’s vulnerable. We often like to feel in control of our own emotions and thoughts, but the Psalms teach us to pray through our emotions. David said in Psalm 25, “My problems go from bad to worse. Oh, save me from them all! Feel my pain and see my trouble.” Later, in chapter 88, the psalmist ends by saying darkness is his closest friend. God wants the raw and the messy, for in so doing we are trusting the Lord with all our heart and not leaning on our own understanding.
Examine Our Own Hearts
Bitterness and resentment can often be hard to see in the middle of such a trial, but the temptation to pass the buck comes so naturally to our sinful hearts. Excuses begin. We no longer want to come to church, to open up in our small group, to serve. Maybe we just need a break from church.
Those are serious warning signs for us to examine, probing some further examination. Am I coming to church to follow men or to follow Jesus? Sin needs to be dealt with, and leaders need to be held accountable for their wrongs. God deeply cares about us having the right leaders – they should be trustworthy people (just look at the list of qualifications in 1 Tim. 3!). But is it possible my dependence on human leaders has exceeded my dependence on God and His Word?
As with any trial, we must ask ourselves if we trust God in His sovereignty. The reality is, however hurtful or complicated the situation, God allowed us to experience it. Does that reality bring comfort or anger? The answer reveals the current posture of our hearts. But oh what security comes from resting in God’s sovereignty.
The reality of God’s sovereignty is the fear-incinerating, boldness-making, perseverance-producing antidote to everything that would ever trouble us.
Adam Ramsey, Truth on Fire
The Bad Doesn’t Erase the Good
One complex element of church hurt people experience is the realization, in the aftermath, that some significant, life-changing events occurred during their time in that church: they came to Christ, their mentor baptized them there, they received Gospel-centered counseling that brought rich healing, they experienced the beauty of the godly community… those precious chapters in our lives don’t become any less valuable. Hurt can add complexity to certain memories, but that doesn’t erase the fruit God produced in us during that season.
by Hannah De Cleene | Oct 7, 2022 | Theology
You are more intimidating than you realize. As a single Christian female, I’ve heard this comment more than once. That statement most often comes from older, Christian brothers in my life; the words are said with the kindness of intentions. They are attempting to offer encouragement as I walk through singleness longer than anyone anticipated, myself included. But still, those words cast shadows of doubt and confusion. Why? Because of the unintended implications.
Unintended Implications
You are too much for a guy to handle—that’s the first fear that enters my mind after these conversations. It’s as if to say that, because I unashamedly (although not perfectly) pursue Christ, I somehow overwhelm Christian men because they couldn’t lead someone like me. But if men are impressed by anything, shouldn’t it be a women’s walk with Jesus and not just her beauty or fun personality? Maybe it’s a good thing for men to be somewhat intimidated by women’s pursuit of Christ? As a complementarian, I desire to follow the lead of a God-fearing man, but isn’t Christ-like leadership more about humility and serving than about being stronger? (Phil 2). In her article on daughters and dating, Jen Wilkin’s states,
“Leadership is not about the strong looking for weaker people to lead. It’s about the humble looking for those whose strengths offset their weaknesses and complement their strengths. Strong leaders surround themselves with strong people, not with weak ones.”
You can handle singleness better than most. After some years, certain friends started to assume I no longer struggled with singleness since my outward demeanor appeared confident and content (which apparently can come across as intimidating too). The truth is, I genuinely regard this season as a gift; my walk with the Lord is personal and dear because of my single years. But it’s still hard. A strong walk with Christ doesn’t mean singleness is without heartache. Sometimes people think women who cherish their relationship with the Lord aren’t bothered by these things.
Intentional Conversations
In the local church, I believe all of us (both single and married) can improve our communication as we do life together. Here are some conversations I believe would be more helpful.
Singleness is good and hard at the same time. Single women can be grateful and sorrowful, investing their time well while still asking the Lord for a gospel-centered relationship. Praying hopeful prayers for both singleness and marriage creates a better balance because we are both casting our cares on the Lord (1 Peter 5:7) and actively trusting God will make the path clear for our lives (Proverbs 3:5-8). Instead of only asking “So who are you dating? ask your single friends questions like: “How’s work going?” or “How are you doing?” That frees your friend to talk about what’s really on her heart.
Singleness isn’t solely dependent on our decisions. God is still sovereign, and single women can trust His timing. When the initial questions are “Have you tried this dating app?” or “Have you considered moving to a big city?” in essence, people are saying, “Have you tried hard enough?” Could God use a dating site or a big city? Absolutely. At the same time, He could bring the right person into someone’s life who lives in a country town and has never once created an online profile. The better question is, “Are we investing our God-given gifts?” Paul exhorts Timothy to fan into flame God’s gifts, without living in fear (2 Tim 1:6-7). Whatever it is— studying art therapy, earning a seminary degree, or starting a business—mature believers should be encouraging and admonishing women to follow God’s call on their lives. If God can shut the mouths of lions and feed the 5,000, He can certainly bring the right man and woman together when He deems best.
You don’t have to slow down for men to catch up. Once women start to get into their late 20s and 30s, they hear less of “Wait for God’s timing” and more of “Are you being too picky?” However, just because some women have to wait longer does not mean they are doing something wrong. Yet, that is exactly how it feels when bombarded with unhealthy questions. On occasion, when I sit down to talk with my mom after a particularly trying day, she often looks at me and says, “Honey, you know you aren’t doing anything wrong, don’t you?” My mother is not saying I am sinless, but she is reminding me that God’s good gifts are dependent on His character, not my performance (James 1:17). Walking boldly with Christ alone is far better than “settling.”
Single women can rest assured they are never “too much” for the Lord, nor are they ever forgotten. He is always at work in our lives (Phil. 1:6) and Paul again gives Timothy a beautiful challenge with this phrase: “But godliness with contentment is great gain…”(I Tim. 6:6 ). The more single women walk with Christ, the better leaders and servants they will be to those around them, whether that’s in the local church, in the business world, with the lost, or with a future husband. God has good works for His daughters to walk in (Eph. 2:10) and, through singleness or marriage, He will do far beyond what we can imagine (Eph. 3:20).
