I bring my angst to the LORD, My tears bellow. And my God hears me. When everything is hopelessly heavy, I look for His hand, but I cannot seem to find it. I cry out all night without ceasing (Aren’t we told to pray without ceasing?) But I’m met with the imprisonment of my fears. I ache for freedom, only to find bars of worry.
I strain to think of who my God is, But I feel weak and utterly confused. He is the One that gives breath, Yet I have not the strength to utter a word.
I remember the days of seasons past. The treasured truths I used to sing on dark nights Are now transposed to a somber tune. I’ve uncovered a hidden refrain, I tremble to voice these words laced with pain.
Is the LORD disappointed in me? Has He shut off His kindness? Does He no longer see me? Does He no longer care? Have I failed so poorly that His love and grace no longer extend? Will my fears be met with unending silence? Will this night never end?
Stop. Soul, remember the mighty and majestic deeds of my God.
Your wonders, O God, know no bounds. Your rescue of our people is threaded throughout our history.
Your ways are pure and untainted by our sin. No idol can compare with Your Sovereign power. You make the unimaginable come to life, Display strength across the skies, and Restore Your people, time and time again.
When the waters saw Your face, They feared You. The dark sea recognizes Your voice. At Your command, the clouds follow Your direction To guide Your people and guard against their foes. The cracks of thunder and arrows of lighting show Creation is at Your beck and call. Your path is not peaceful But a plunge into the mighty depths, Without a wake to be traced. Still, Your people are never misplaced.
By Your kindness, You led through men like Moses and Aaron, mere mortals like me. You always mark the way for Your people to be free.
The battle is fierce At the end of the day I wonder — will I stand? Will I hold fast to His commands? Or with I fall With no hope at all?
But this is not just my fight, Nor do I stand by my might. Every day I have a chance To stand in the shadow of His holiness.
The Belt of Truth is firm, Reminding me of what is, not what if’s. The Breastplate of Righteousness protects my soul For only by His love am I made whole. The Shoes of the Gospel guard every step I take For this journey is for His name’s sake. The Shield of Faith protects me with His grace, Repelling the drought of doubt With the promise of His power. The Helmet of Salvation preserves my mind. His shepherding presence reminds me Whose I am. The Sword of the Spirit strikes in all-knowing integrity, His candor and conviction refine my heart.
And the persistence of prayer threads together each and every piece. For this is His fight. I stand in His might.
I bring all of who I am to the Creator. To my King, the One in whom I find true confidence. Don’t let me be disappointed by what You decree. Don’t let the lies and deceit of my demons take the upper hand. Surely You replace disappointment with unrelenting hope. Those who look to their own savior will always be left wanting.
Don’t leave me to my own devices. Direct me in Your footsteps. Push and pull me until I walk in step with Your kind shadow. Shepherd me with Your faithfulness, for You alone can mold me in truth.
Call to mind Your promise of compassion and deeds of unchanging love, my King, for they have been established long ago.
Call not to mind my failures, the days I followed lesser rulers and sought futile treasures. By the decree of Your kindness and law of relentless love, see me as Your own kin.
Pure and trustworthy is this King, That is why He schools the feeble in His ways. He trains those who know they are lost without Him. He guides those who are willing to follow Him without abandon.
Every byway and passage He opens, down to the last faint trail, Are His avenues of grace, to those who cling to and live by His promises.
For the reputation of Your title, Declare me free from the weight of my sins. For only when man sees the unparalleled character of the King’s kind authority Will He unveil the next right step. All of who he is will be sheltered by His protection, And his family shall dwell in security.
The secret counsel of the King is for those who cherish and revere His rule, To those He divulges the depths of His promises.
My gaze is forever fixed on the King. He will provide a bridge for every barricade.
My King, see me. Show me Your tender care. For I am on the island of melancholy and misery. The anguish of my soul swells. Reclaim my heart. Give attention to the distress of my trials, And pardon each and every one of my failures.
Give attention to my adversaries. They despise me and want to see me fail.
Preserve and protect my heart. Don’t let me be disappointed, for I am putting all my confidence in You. I watch for Your arrival.
Restore us. Revoke our wanderings and replace our fears with the joy of Your presence.
No matter what comes my way I cannot stop trying. Trying to be Strong enough, Beautiful enough, Smart enough… I am not enough.
But that is precisely why Jesus came. He is More powerful than any doubt, More dazzling than any treasure, More intelligent than any plan. It is not about trying but trusting For He is enough.
“Therefore since we have justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ.” Romans 5:1
Reconciliation
Broken. No matter what I do I end up hurting or being hurt, If anyone could see the true color of my heart They would turn a cold shoulder and never look back.
But Jesus never turned His back. He faced betrayal so I could know acceptance. He became broken so my heart could be made whole. He loved me to the end so I can love others without end.
“For if while we were enemies we were reconciled to God by the death of His Son, much more, now that we are reconciled shall we be saved by His life.” Romans 5:10
Regeneration
My heart is made of stone. Unpenetrable. Cold. Unchanging. Will the fears of my soul always have control? Not if I give control to You. You remove the stone and replace it with joyful obedience. Now I can follow You in Peace Joy Faith With a heart full of hope. I’m no longer paralyzed by “what if’s” but comforted by what is.
“He saved us, not because of works done by us in righteousness, but according to His own mercy, by the washing of regeneration and renewal of the Holy Spirit.” Titus 3:5
Redemption
I can’t get out, The trap of my sin enslaves me. Every inch forward brings two steps back. I cannot beat this master.
But Jesus can. He became the very sin I hate to set me free. He abolished slavery, giving me not just hope, But a home. I forever have a seat at the Father’s table, Because my Savior Jesus welcomes me.
“Christ redeemed us from the curse of the law by becoming a curse for us…” Galatians 3:13
“For I know that God paid a ransom to save you from the empty life you inherited from your ancestors. And it was not paid with mere gold or silver, which lose their value.” I Peter 1:18
At the sixth-month mark, there was no hiding it, Everyone could tell I was with child. I was nervous to go out, I admit. Some women clapped and smiled, Others looked confused and surprised (their faces made me laugh just a bit). I cherished those five months alone, but— I realized others needed to see Yahweh’s faithfulness wasn’t just for me.
And while I received encouragement from friends No one could quite relate until— Until Mary walked through my door. Then my soul began to celebrate. I was not alone in the blessing I bore! The greatness of this story was about to extend, And at the sound of sweet Mary’s voice, The son in my womb kicked and rejoiced.
It’s hard to put into words Because I know it sounds a little absurd. But in that instant, I knew, My son would prepare the way for the One Mary bore Our people’s hope was about to come true.
God chose another unlikely woman To receive His undeserved favor. I reveled in His kindness once again. As this mystery unfolded, her faith never wavered.
The three months she stayed in my care I count as precious memories without compare. It was almost as if she was my own, A daughter who needed comfort in the unknown. Many wouldn’t understand, Undoubtedly, rumors would grow secondhand,
But I cherished hearing her recount the news of the most heavenly meeting And the grace-filled greeting, Which no one could refuse. The Son of the Most High Would be born to the Jews. Yahweh both heard and answered our cries.
Mary’s faith challenged my own Reciting prophets, covenants, and psalmists, The Word formed her very backbone. And her countenance was calmest When she sang her praise-filled song. God’s purpose had been there all along.
Growing up, I was well-known, Being from the line of Aaron Every marriage and birth was a celebrated milestone; No one ever breathed the word “barren.”
When Zechariah and I married, We spoke of our hopes and dream, Even how many years would pass between Each boy and girl I would wean.
Of course, the first boy would be Zechariah, Then we thought of Elijah and Josiah, Boys who would learn the prophecies of the Messiah. And then Abigail, Deborah, even Hannah, Girls who’d learn how God provided with divine manna.
But when ten years of marriage passed, Sadness and fear loomed more and more. Could barrenness be what God had in store? That’s the question I never wanted to ask: What had I done wrong? I tried to follow His ways all along.
Each morning we knelt on our knees, Begging Yahweh to hear our plea. As I waited, I thought of our people Longing for the Deliverer to set us free.
From others, I hid my tears of lament. Yet I wondered at the LORD’s intent. Would I trust the hand of my God When everything in life seemed terribly flawed? Every day I had a choice: To live in despair or listen to truth preached from the prophets of old. Would I believe all they foretold?
I did my best to make peace with my lot, Tried not to let the looks of pity or judgment pierce. Still— Some days I felt like God’s blind spot.
The Maker does things just as He ought. The clay cannot say “Why did you make me this pot?” Though, my people have a history of that very thinking. So when my sisters welcomed grandchildren home Yahweh’s promises kept me from sinking. Even as tears welled when I sat all alone
When Zechariah came home that day, I knew something extraordinary had occurred. He grabbed his tablet to display The message from Gabriel, every single word.
As I read “Elizabeth will bear a son,” My heart was completely undone. What if our waiting hadn’t been misplaced? What if our delays would bring unspeakable grace? (verse slide) After a few months, it became clear The impossible was our reality, God was melting away my fear And hope came to life that year.
I kept to myself for a few months more, Delighting in the unfolding of this wondrous gift. I felt God’s favor like never before, The clouds of silence were about to lift.
